Hey Mama, I See You.

Hey mama, I see you. I see you doing your very best for your child. I see you trying to get through a shopping trip to get the things you need. I see you and your family member trying to diffuse the situation. I see you walking out of the store carrying your shoeless child. I see your family member darting to the checkout line while you go to the parking lot. I see you doing a phenomenal job at staying calm in a stressful situation. I see you mama. Yesterday Jackson and I were at the store to kill some time and grab a couple things. Jackson had speech therapy first thing in the morning so I let him pick out something since he had a good appointment. We were finishing up our shopping and heading to the checkout lanes when I heard a familiar wail. It was a child who was upset about something a couple isles over. The family was standing in one of the main isles so we walked by them to continue our way to the checkout area. I gave the grandma an understanding smile as we walked past. It is not our spot to judge on the situation as we know nothing about the child and it’s NONE of our business. Jackson and I were standing in line waiting for our turn to checkout and the shouting got a little louder. I could hear the grumblings of the people around me. My own experiences started to flood my mind. There have been many times where I had to carry around a screaming child just so I could get what we needed from the store. Honestly, I still use curbside any chance I get so that I avoid a public tantrum. At this point, the family was within eyesight and it was obvious that the child was at the peak of his meltdown. His mom was holding the child as best she could as the wiggling and thrashing continued. Briefly looking I noticed the child was shoeless (IYKYK) and the mom was attempting a big hug which would help with deep pressure to give sensory input. Jackson’s head whipped around to look at where the sounds were coming from. He looked at me and with tears in my eyes I softly told him, “it’s okay baby, they are just having a hard time.” It’s not often that I become emotional like this. I wasn’t crying because I felt sorry for them. I was crying because I have been that mom before. I have football carried a shoeless Jackson out of many places. I have sat on the floor of HEB when waiting in line became too much for him. Just that morning I had to carry him into speech literally kicking (the shit out of my shins) and screaming. His speech therapist is located on the same floor as physical therapy so all of the patients waiting in the waiting room got a show and I could feel the judgment. I have worked SO HARD on ignoring and trying to not let their stares or whispering upset me but it is very difficult to ignore (as is the tantrum). By now the mom and child had made it outside and I finished up checking out. Another customer had the audacity to tell the employee “phew, that was a lot to listen to.” I went from feeling compassion for the family to seeing red because people can’t keep their mouths shut. I could feel the Will Smith “keep my wife’s name…” bubbling up in my throat. The employee took me by complete surprise by kindly saying, “they are in here often and sometimes the child has a hard time regulating himself.” I felt so seen by this comment. As a mother of a child who has sensory challenges I am very familiar with this language. Expressing emotions as an adult is challenging and to a child it is sometimes impossible in the moment to rationalize with your brain. I grabbed our bags and walked out of the store with tears streaming. If you are out and about and you hear a screaming child just remember it costs ZERO DOLLARS to be a kind person. It also costs ZERO DOLLARS for you to keep your judgmental comments to yourself. I promise you that we have tried begging and pleading with them to lower their volume, we have tried to reason with them, and we definitely wish they would stop crying too. They don’t need to be spanked, we don’t need to hear the “back in my day” comments, and we for damn sure don’t care what you would do if they were your kids. Just remember, we see you mama (or insert any other caregiver term). We see you doing all you can to help your child in a dysregulated moment. You are doing amazing things.