The Loneliest Hood

Motherhood is the loneliest hood I’ve ever been through (so far). When you first announce your pregnancy every one is so excited and the energy is overflowing. You are showered with gifts and your friends are so excited to be an Aunt to your child. Gender reveals, baby showers, and sprinkle parties mean you’re surrounded by people and the buzz of excitement. When you post pictures of your little bundle of joy your phone can’t keep up with the messages and notifications. The first few weeks of being home are filled with visitors and casseroles and then the newness fades. Life doesn’t stop just because a new baby is born. Family and friends go on with their lives. This is when it starts to get lonely. My husband went back to work when our youngest was 10 days old. 10 days postpartum and I was now responsible for our toddler AND a newborn. What the actual F?! My husband is an EMT so he is at the station for 2 days (48 hours gone from the house) and home for 4 days. Jackson had just started walking right before Josie was born so that made things considerably easier. But, a nursing newborn meant that there were times when I was tied to the couch or rocker. We are extremely lucky that my parents live across the street. When J was on shift my mom would come over and help with the evening routine and often bring dinner ready to go. She would hold the baby and keep Jackson occupied while I scarfed dinner down or took PTB shower. Even with our daily visits I couldn’t help but feel the loneliness creep in. How is that even possible!? I’m literally surrounded by people 24/7 and somehow I just feel lonely. Watching my friends through social media posts still getting together, having play dates with their kiddos or even having a girls night dinner hits the gut each time. Would I be able to go if they had invited me? Maybe not, but not being invited at all is what stings the most. I am sure they know that leaving the house is a challenge for me. With 2 kiddos 2 and under and a husband who sustained life altering injuries it can be hard to leave the house alone. But by golly I sure would have tried! Sometimes I just need some girl time or a glass of wine with friends. I have many “hats” I wear throughout the day. I have my mom hat, my wife hat, coaching, employee, nurse, chauffeur, and cook. I am sure I am missing some but those are the ones that I can think of off the top of my head. As a mom my world revolves around nap times, nursing, and bedtimes. The company I work for is cell-phone based so I take work with me everywhere which has been the biggest help so I can go with the hubby to his appointments and be there at the house to help. Our lives are busy, from sun up to sun down it is carting the kids to and from school, working in between, and then once we get home it is outside time, dinner, bath, then bedtime. Even with all these things jam packed into the daylight hours I never imagined motherhood to feel so secluded. I pictured fun park play dates, weekends filled with us best friends sharing some mom beverages while the kids played in the sprinklers, and day trips to the winery. The hubby can only take so much girl gossip before he starts trying to give advice when I just want to vent (LOL). I have to tell him to let me just vent and cry. I try venting to my mom but she is going to do the mom thing where she remembers how hurt I was and never lets that go even when I was just venting and the other party doesn’t even know I was upset. Everywhere you look you see moms on social media talking about “their tribe”. The tribe I thought had faded. With all of our life events my daily routine can be summed up into dropping Jackson off, going to work, picking Jackson up from daycare, and then going home. On the weekends we stay home since it takes an hour to pack both kids up and leave the house. I know this is my own doing but it is exhausting and sometimes even just the thought of leaving the house exhausts me. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t suck it up and give the kids some fruit snacks for the drive. As a mom I just want to be included.. I miss my friends, I miss laughing, and at times I miss the days where I could leave the house in 15 minutes. And here it comes, the mom shaming. Yes, I love my kids. I would willingly throw myself in front of moving traffic just to save them but that doesn’t mean I am allowed to miss the life I had before. No one tells you when you are handed the bundle of joy in the hospital that life will NEVER “go back to the way it was”. Your Facebook memories will pop up each day and remind you of the life you once had. I look back each day and just chuckle. We just thought we were busy back then. Let’s all laugh together! If you made it this far in the post I hope you know that this is a personal blog for a reason. These are my personal feelings and emotions but I hope that it lets you know that you are not alone if you feel this way. If you know me personally and want to hang out PLEASE reach out! I would love the opportunity to be there for my fellow moms that are in the trenches. Life with young kids is tough and once you graduate to the next level of motherhood you sometimes forget how draining these days are. We were not made to navigate these trials and tribulations alone. Humans are pack animals by nature so when we feel excluded and alone of course we are going to wallow in sadness (and I lather that shit all over). We feel like a burden when reaching out so slowly yet surely we stop texting and messaging until we slowly just fade out of the circle completely. My challenge to you is to swallow the pride and reach out. Be the one to set the date and then GO! Show up and tell your friends you miss them. If they truly love you then it will be like no time passed at all. If you find yourself being the only one then take that as your exit strategy and find a new tribe. There are moms all over that need to find their people and they are waiting for YOU! I love all of you and hope that you all find people that make you smile from the inside out.

2 thoughts on “The Loneliest Hood

  1. You have defined this period so very astutely and accurately. I feel your lonliness and remember that time in my life, too. It seemed my husband worked 20 hours a day and slept the rest. My parents and his lived across town and I had little gas money anyway:) Your final sentences are your best hope for now: reach out; make the first effort to reconnect; something will “stick to the wall”. You are doing a great job, especially with your “very special year”. You are making it work. Keep writing. I will keep praying:)

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